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Scared

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I am taking a step back for a moment to discuss what I found out yesterday.  Yesterday morning I had an appointment with a cancer doctor to discuss what my diagnoses of ovarian cancer means.  He cannot say for sure if I have cancer, but he wants to immediately take out my ovary.  I have surgery schedule for November 18th at 11:00am.  The first step is they are going to take out my ovary and see if I actually have cancer.  If nothing is found that they stop the surgery from there, but if cancer is found I have to have everything removed.  I am very scared.  I don’t want to become infertile.  I want to be able to have another baby even if I may not be blessed with one.  We have been trying for the last 12 years and no success.  As I sit here and type this message I am in tears because I honestly feel like I am alone.  My husband isn’t very supportive and everyone else tells me I told you so.  I just want to scream.  I want to crawl in a hole and never come out.  I put on a happy face, but I am honestly dying inside.  I just hope everything turns out and I am ok.  I know I cannot change the outcome, but I can keep my fingers crossed.

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